Dear family friends of mine courageously forged forward with the plan to move from their single-family home to community senior living just a couple months ago. At the end of a preparation day, the day before the movers arrived those of us who were helping out sat amongst the boxes and furniture in disarray. I noticed a boxymission style side table that I had not noticed prior, as it had occupied the guest room- and I never had use for the guest room, living locally.
The table did not seem to match the Ethan Allen furniture in the balance of the house, and I was certain it was destined for St. Vincent DePaul. A family member noticed my look of curiosity, “isn’t that great? Grandpa built that table to sit on the back porch of mom’s childhood house. Check this out,” he reached under the lip of the table surface and pulled a skeleton key from a hook. “It is an old school hide-a-key to the house, and this is the actual key!”
Now I understand. The table represents love and security through grandpa’s own hands as he crafted it so many years ago. And because they recognized this, the table will stay with the family for another generation.
The line blurs between who we are and where we are. Our life story is wrapped in our surroundings, and nested among our belongings. The move from a family home challenges us to separate ourselves from our
belongings. The detachment can be tricky as we often see the home and the things inside the home as the
physical manifestation of our family’s story.
So, how do we detach ourselves and part with the belongings that we collect along the way? First, go shopping in your home with a mind toward what you will want and need in your next living arrangement.
Warning! Expect to want to take more than you can fit into the downsized quarters.
Next, what has value but is no longer needed? Those items may go online on craigslist or be tagged for a garage or estate sale.
It is phenomenal how much garbage we retain within our household treasures. Keep an ongoing garbage/recycling pile as the garbage will continually accumulate.
What remains, consider gifting, giving and then letting go.
It is never too early to begin gifting those items that remind you of a friend or family member. Let them know the story behind the gift. A strict rule of gifting is that the giver must let go and never look back. It is not a gift if you hold the recipient accountable to retain or use the gift. ‘Gift’ generously.
Giving household items to those in need can be very rewarding. Maybe there is a young couple just starting out who would be thrilled at getting a home-owners starter kit for kitchen or yard tools. Alternatively,
seek out a non-profit for which you have conviction, and give abundantly. You can feel good about your things being put to immediate use by a grateful recipient.
After gifting and giving what you can, it is time to let go. The items that remain after disposing, selling, gifting and giving are often the items that carry a subtle unresolved attachment. These items may carry with them remorse, guilt and/or responsibility or sentimentality. These items may support our self-identity, symbolize our heritage and legacy or bring comfort from a lost loved one.
Although these valuable items of sentiment and heritage (like hide-akey end tables)have become part of
our story, we must remember not to keep the things that do not mean the absolute most; as our children
will inherit and carry the burden of ‘doing the right thing’ with these items at some point. Identify the most valuable and sentimental things to you and talk about them with your children. Share the stories and what they mean to you, and then give them the freedom to memorialize the story from there as they wish.
Marcia Edwards, MBA is a Principal Broker at Windermere Real Estate of Lane County. Marcia offers expertise to homebuyers and sellers in the Eugene area. To learn all the steps to selling smart, contact Marcia at me@marciaedwards.com or 541-221-1454. RealEstateSmart.org.